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Same Damn Door

from The Seagulls Are Coming by Catherine Joy

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lyrics

Same Damn Door
I find myself suspended, upended, this is not what I intended when I tried to teach myself to fly. / It’s more like hanging or strangling, feels like God has got me dangling on a wire in a vacant sky. / Every night I lie awake and find that I am kicking at the same damn door. / I ring the doorbell and I knock, then I try to pick the lock, but it is shut to me forevermore. / At eleven past seven my appointment was in heaven. In the lobby they x-rayed my soul for sin. / When they checked it and inspected it their divine staff detected it was too much of a risk to let me in. / Every night I lie awake and find that I am kicking at the same damn door. / I try to dynamite it, get some gasoline and light it, but it’s shut to me forevermore. / If you’d kindly not remind me that my shadow’s right behind me nipping at my heels with every step. / It’s important I ignore it or else
I might get absorbed into the shadow of my former self. / Every night I lie awake and find that I am kicking at the same damn door. / I try the padlock with a hacksaw, I attack it with an axe, but it is shut to me forevermore. / Every night I lie awake and find that I am kicking at that same damn door. / I bring out the nuclear arms. I try all my girlish
charms. Then I beg and I plead, slip a smoke bomb underneath. And I bash it and I scratch it and I hack it whack it smack it and it doesn’t even dent it, I throw all my weight against it, and I dress up like a girl scout, I bring all my very worst out, but it’s shut to me forevermore.

credits

from The Seagulls Are Coming, released November 21, 2010

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The Catherine Joy Band Ithaca, New York

Official site:
www.catherinejoy.com

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